How often should physical intimacy occur in your marriage?
Newsflash: there is no absolute answer for this one. Age, sex drives, physical health, emotional health, and past hurts all affect physical intimacy in marriage. So what are we to do? Here are 5 questions every spouse should ask about sex.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? —Matthew 19:5
In fact, you can’t judge the health of a sex life by frequency. A demanding spouse or a spouse who uses guilt may result in a couple having sex numerous times a week—they have frequency, but likely a terrible sex life that is plagued by duty and pressure.
5 questions you should ask each other:
Intentionally work together on your sex life. Start by asking each other these questions:
- Is our sex life drawing us close to Jesus and one another?
- How do you feel about our sex life?
- Do you find sex to be pleasurable and how can we work together to make it more mutually pleasurable?
- Are there other factors that affect the frequency and pleasure of our sex life?
- How can we extend grace, understanding, and comfort to one another if physical intimacy is a struggle?
Great marriages and great sex lives don’t happen by accident. They usually take intentional work and prioritization of not only physical intimacy but emotional intimacy too. A good sex life is often the result of a great marriage not the cause of a great marriage.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.