What do the Kardashians, PowerPoint presentations, rice cakes, and Shakespeare have in common? They are all once listed by Mirror Magazine in the top 50 most boring things in the world.
But you know what would make that list for many Americans? Marriage. Why would they put it on the list? The way they see us being married. Marriage often looks boring. Here are 10 ways to overcome a boring marriage.
“Without wood, fire goes out…” —Proverbs 26:20
10 Ways to Overcome a Boring Marriage
Proverbs 26:20 says, “Without wood, fire goes out…” While this passage is primarily about quarrels, it can be applied to marriage.
In dating, couples usually put a lot of wood on the relational fire. They talk, date, buy gifts, and serve. Then, they get married and all that “dating stuff” comes to a screeching halt.
A fun start settles into a dull co-existence. The marriage looks more like the movie Groundhog Day than a fun romance. It happened in my marriage. Marilyn said the wedding seemed to immediately transform me from “Fun Dater” to “Budget Man.”
Christ says He came to give us life and life abundantly (John 10:10) We are told to richly enjoy all things for His glory (1 Timothy 6:17) How do we richly enjoy life-abundant marriages? We start putting logs on our relational fire.
There are many ways you can put logs on the fire. They may not all be options for you, but we’ll list ten ideas to get the creativity flowing.
#1 You pick it!
Take turns choosing the date. Do exactly what you want to do on one date. Then for the next date switch. It gets you out of the “what do you want to do?” rut and brings some fun into your dating. A counselor recommended this practice, and it has helped many in their dating life.
#2 Don’t let age drag you down.
Aging and energy seem to have an inverse relationship. As you get older, keep doing fun stuff. Don’t let complacency plunge you into a boring marriage where you just hope someone else will plan something.
#3 Keep something fun on the schedule.
Whether it’s a game, a concert, hiking, or a weekend away, we always have something to look forward to doing together.
#4 Six seconds—twice a day.
John Gottman, a leading researcher on marriage, advises kissing six seconds in the morning and six seconds when you get home at the end of the day. Just ninety seconds a week to give your marriage a boost.
#5 Adopt these three rhythms.
Talk thirty minutes a day. Date once a week. Spend a night away once a quarter.
#6 The question game.
Go back and forth asking each other questions. This is a great thing to do in the car.
#7 Smash your cell phone.
Just kidding. Leave it at home when you go on dates or turn notifications off. Sharing your time with other people through texts, snaps, and calls can get the benefit of being together. Control your cell phone use and don’t let it control you.
#8 Be intimate.
Emotionally and physically. As my parents will likely read this, I’ll leave it at that.
#9 Invest in your marriage.
If your marriage is important, it makes sense to invest in it. As one pastor said, “Most couples spend more on mulch than they do their own marriages.” If possible, put a dating line item in your budget.
#10 Be consistent.
One of THE MOST IMPORTANT things you can do for your marriage is consistent, undistracted, one-on-one time. As we’ve said before, schedule your life around your marriage, not your marriage around your life.
Don’t forget: To have a hot fire or a hot marriage, you must put logs on the fire.
Brad Rhoads is co-founder of Grace Marriage.